Paris Hilton

With the race for the Presidency heating up this month, we wonder where Paris Hilton is. Two years ago (has it really been two years?) our team of seasoned political analysts, strategists, concerned citizens, and others, came to a quite coherent and clear answer in our search for a 'winner' for the American Presidency. While some initially dismissed our conclusions, they were eventually won over when they realized the logic and power behind a Paris Hilton presidency.

It is almost one month into the new year, the year of our nation's elections, and still, we do not have confirmation that Paris Hilton has officially jumped into the race for the Presidency of the United States. Certainly, looking at her positions, an open minded individual clearly sees how powerful her message is. We can understand how this message would become a jumping off point to propel her to the White House, once people understood that message. Looking at the potential competition, there is not much out there.

Have you all seen Dennis Kucinich's wife? Let me be politic and say that were Kucinich to become president, well AFTER pig's wings burn off in hell, our nation would be party to an exceptionally FINE first lady. But Kucinich has a problem-- nohhhh, not his folded skin elfin look-- his problem stems from his message. Mr. Kucinich believes in things. Things we imagine must be right somewhere, on some planet

Hillary pulls a tearjerker and 'wins' New Hampshire, huh? Let's not get into how the Diebold machines were smoking that night, making reality turn upside down flipping polls (showing her behind) to votes (showing her ahead). Which brings me to Paris Hilton and the need for our nation to rally behind her potential candidacy for president of the United States. "Presidency?", you say. "Surely, you must be joshing, Vij". No I am not joshing.