Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Never at a loss for remedies, our sage Paris4Prez political strategist Vij Rasamasan, has contemplated this question of transcendental melodies and come up with a most probable and wise answer.
As you may well imagine, despite our political organization’s vehement desire that we be successful in encouraging Ms. Paris Hilton to finally make a run for the presidency of the United States, we have consistently been hampered by a relative, if slightly untoward, lack of access to her management team and, indeed, to her immediate personage.
We find this to be slightly bizarre at this late stage of the game, to say the least. All of our efforts so far to convince Ms. Hilton of our sincere intentions have been a not too successful, let’s say it, failure. After thousands of hours of research and analysis by our team of esteemed political analysts, media experts and concerned citizens, we cannot be to blame for the quite natural conclusion we had made, lo some fourteen months ago, that Ms. Paris Hilton—actress, heiress, entrepreneur, and intellectual—is the most clearly ideally suited public figure, a Diana with the talent, capabilities and popularity, to unite and heal America and to bring to this nation a newfound level of prosperity unimagined just a few short years ago.
Professor Rasamasan, political strategist du jour, has wisely deduced that the song most likely to play positively to middle America in the context of a Hilton candidacy is the acapella 1980’s hit musical masterpiece “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”.
This light ditty, pleasing to the ear, is a perfect accompaniment to an imagined road trip taken by Ms. Hilton, maybe on her way to the beach in, say, Laguna, or Capri. We can imagine her mind being transported by the song to a far away time and place—she was but a small child at the time the song would have first been played.
Maybe she was in her nanny’s arms, being serenaded as lolling breezes were putting her to sleep. Her mind drifting from her immediate surroundings, floating on the minimalist stream of conscious wisdom emanating from the transistor radio sitting at the side of the negative edge pool at her daddy’s house on a hillside above the Aegean.
We can imagine Ms. Hilton contemplating to her small mind that one day she will emerge as the leader of the greatest free nation in the history of the planet. And as she listens to the lyrics, she imagines what sort of benevolent society she and her future vice president, Ms. Nicole Ritchie, would sculpt by sheer dint of her will to bring about that mentality, the “don’t worry, be happy” mantra. The mantra that fixes all ills, makes enemies place their weapons down, makes our fellow nations sway back and forth, like the palms in a gentle breeze. In harmony. United.
Meanwhile, Mr. Rasamasan is taking media inquiries.
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